


A Lion's Share of Fear

by Boy_On_Strings, Mordraugsereg



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Acrophobia, Comfort, Developing Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-01-09
Updated: 2012-02-23
Packaged: 2017-10-29 07:02:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/317027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boy_On_Strings/pseuds/Boy_On_Strings, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mordraugsereg/pseuds/Mordraugsereg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where Danny helps Jackson find a heart for courage, and where Jackson shows Danny just what that heart is capable of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Leaving on a Jet Plane

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt:
> 
> Anyone/Jackson - vertigo  
> Jackson's scared of heights, he tries not to show it but when he's up high he can't help clinging to whoever is with him. Said person is having trouble with the close proximity because they really like Jackson. Maybe a few kisses will calm his nerves? Danny, Scott or Derek is encouraged.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny notices that something is bothering Jackson.

* * *

Danny swallowed nervously as Jackson stepped out of his shoes. The goalie couldn't turn his eyes away. It didn't matter how many times Danny watched Jackson get undressed, it always took his breath away. Jackson's fingers grasped the buckle of the belt he was wearing, the hem of his jeans dipping ever so slightly. Danny couldn't help but wish it was his fingers undoing it.

"It's not a striptease Jackson, how about we move it along, yeah?" Stiles called out from further back in the line.

Danny never really found Stiles as annoying as most other people did, but at that moment he wanted to strangle him. Pink suffused Jackson's cheeks as he finished pulling his belt off and dropped it in the plastic bin that held his wallet and cell phone. Danny looked away when Jackson bent over to pick up his shoes and drop them into the bin as well.

Friendship was the only thing that had ever been between Danny and Jackson. It was the best and worst thing he'd ever had in his life. There were countless people who wanted Jackson, who thought he was hot or sexy or had any number of other attractive qualities, but Danny was the only one who was close to him. He just wasn't as close as he wanted to be.

Jackson set off the metal detector walking through it, groaning when he realized he hadn't dropped his keys into the bin. Danny watched fascinated as the TSA representative patted Jackson down. He had never really considered a career in security, but he wouldn't hate making sure Jackson wasn't hiding anything.

A wolf-whistle sounded from farther back in the line, a few cat calls rising above the hustle and bustle in the airport, the voice of Scott McCall making itself known, leaving the whistler to be his right hand man, Stiles. Danny chuckled as the older woman who was checking Jackson for contraband started blushing. He didn't blame her.

"They're idiots, just ignore them." Jackson told the woman.

"I hear that sort of thing all the time son. But next time make sure to put all your belongings in the bin, alright?" the woman said. She winked at him and added, "Unless you're trying to give all us old women a heart attack."

Danny loved the flush of color that rode up Jackson's neck. He wanted to touch it, to see how far it went down his chest, wanted to be the cause of it. He shook his head to clear it as he took his turn going through the airport security station.

"That was embarrassing." Jackson said when Danny joined him on the other side.

"You love the attention." Danny teased.

Jackson grinned at him and Danny's stomach fluttered. All the lusty teenage hormones aside, Danny would be happy just to watch Jackson smile. He didn't mind when Jackson smirked, that had a whole different level of sexiness attached to it, but Jackson didn't smile very often, didn't let people see when he was happy. Danny thought sometimes that Jackson was trying to hoard that happiness for himself, like he was somehow afraid that someone would try to take it away if they saw he had it.

"Want to grab a drink or snack before we head to the boarding area?" Danny asked. He tilted his head curiously when Jackson's skin drained of color.

"N-no… I'm good." Jackson said.

Danny blinked at his friend; Jackson wasn't a stuttering kind of guy. They walked on in silence. Jackson didn't sit down once they made it to the gate; he just paced restlessly back and forth clutching his carryon bag, knuckles strained and white over the material. Somehow he managed to carve a tiny gap out of the people that were milling about, waiting for the flight to come in.

"You ok?" Danny asked.

"I'm fine." Jackson said. He didn't look fine though, he looked like he was about to bolt, or possibly throw up. That made no sense. Jackson seemed like he was afraid. Something about it rocked Danny right at the core. Jackson was the bravest person he knew. He faced everything straight on, head held high. On the lacrosse field, in the school, anywhere he went, he was like a lion sheathed with indestructible pride.

Danny didn't say anything. He knew that if Jackson wanted to talk about what was bothering him he would do it in his own way, on his own time. The fading sunlight streamed through the windows, bringing out the tawny color in the co-captains hair.

He loved Jackson's hair, it was soft. When they hugged it out on the field after a victory Danny couldn't help running his hand lightly through the back of it. Jackson never said anything about it. Danny didn't know if that was because Jackson didn't notice or didn't care.

"It's such bullshit that we're taking a flight to Canada for a class trip." Jackson said.

Danny blinked at Jackson, trying to figure out what the problem was. "What's wrong with Canada?"

"Nothing's wrong with Canada, I just don't see why we didn't just drive to somewhere closer," Jackson said, he was looking everywhere but out the windows at the plane that had taxied up a few minutes earlier. The passengers were already unloading, the stragglers making their way down the aisle and into the throng of people waiting to get onto it.

"Well, it would have taken too long to drive to the CN Tower. There's only one world's tallest freestanding structure, and it's in Canada, hence the flying." Danny explained. He was curious as Jackson seemed to go paler at the mention of the tower.

"This is stupid; we should have picked a better place to go for our class trip." Jackson sulked.

"Well, it's not like we really got to vote on it or anything." Danny said. The school had supplied a list of locations that would be acceptable for their class trip but it was ultimately up to the parents to decide on which one it would be. It should have been a vote but the school had made up some lame excuse as to why this year's trip wasn't to be decided by the students.

Jackson continued his pace back and forth. Danny looked down at his watch. The plane was going to start boarding in a few minutes. Jackson didn't seem to be doing too well; his grip on his carryon bags handle seemed to have gotten tighter, a light sheen of sweat forming on his brow. Danny desperately hoped that Jackson wasn't sick. He didn't want to get barfed on when they were in the air.

They both looked up as they heard the boarding call. Danny grabbed his bag from the floor and stood up. Jackson hesitated, eyes flickering from the gate to the center of the airport. There was something wrong but he just couldn't figure out what had his best friend on edge.

Their tickets were for group B boarding, group A having just finished filing through the gate. "We should get in line," Danny said as he moved towards the already forming line.

Jackson took a deep breath before he spoke, closed his eyes trying to collect himself. "Yeah…" he said after a short pause. Danny watched his friend's mood deteriorate as they waited in line. He wanted to ask Jackson if he was ok, but he knew that Jackson would want him to remain quiet.

So Danny quietly waited in the line, quietly walked down the ramp that would lead them to the plane, and he quietly accepted Jackson's offer to have the window seat once they were on the plane.

Jackson's leg bounced nervously and he checked his seatbelt at least a dozen times. Danny hoped his friend would calm down. They sat in silence through the pre-flight security lectures. Danny didn't say anything when the plane started moving and Jackson closed his eyes.

When the planes speed started to pick up, overhead compartments rattling and shaking, the engines roaring louder, Jackson reached out and grabbed Danny's hand. The contact made the goalie's stomach flip. Jackson's hand was cold and sweaty; the grip was strained as if he were the last life line the other had.

"You're going to be fine man, I'm right here." Danny leaned over and quietly said. He continued to whisper reassuring words to Jackson as the plane lifted into the air, turbulence causing more jolts to the occupants. It wasn't until the plane leveled off and his ears popped that he stopped and leaned back into his seat.

Jackson didn't open his eyes but his grasp on Danny's hand relaxed slightly.

"Thanks," Jackson said, squeezing Danny's hand as he did. "Thanks for everything."

Danny didn't know what to say, wasn't sure what he was being thanked for, so he just squeezed Jackson's hand reassuringly. It was enough. Jackson turned and finally opened his eyes, looking straight into Danny's. The goalie tried not to drown in those blue depths but he was having difficulty breathing. Jackson squeezed his hand back, and some of the tightness in Danny's chest eased.

 


	2. Listen for a Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny tells Jackson a story.

 

* * *

"Want right or left drawers?" Jackson asked Danny. They were in their hotel room. The door shut and locked to keep out the annoying babble that was coming from the hall. They were unloading their suitcases.

"Right, since its closer," was the tan teens reply.

Jackson nodded, aware that the other couldn't see the gesture and added a small hum of understanding. His bed was on the left side of the room, Danny's on the right, and the dresser situated at the foot of the beds was adjacent to the other wall. It was as long as the two beds were wide, the drawers matching up with who was in what bed.

"Well, what's on the schedule for the rest of the evening?" Danny asked. He was the first to break the silence that had fallen between the two while unpacking, having been the first to finish and was stretched out on his bed, a book in hand.

Jackson pushed the last of his drawers closed and flopped onto his bed, "Sleep. I'm exhausted." Truthfully, he was tired. He hadn't realized just how exhausted he was until he had started to unpack and his heart had finally stopped racing. Anxiety and fear didn't mix well.

The whole plane ride would have been a lot different if Danny hadn't calmed him down at take-off. He had been on the verge of a panic attack, grabbing the only thing he felt safe and comfortable around to ground himself and take his mind off the plane's ascension. It wasn't until he heard Danny's voice in his ear, telling him that everything was going to be ok that he had felt the black edge of the abyss receding.

Danny hadn't asked him again if he was fine. Hadn't said anything about what had happened on the plane. Neither had really spoken about anything of significance since then. One of the things that Jackson admired about Danny was how intuitive he was, he somehow always knew what it was that Jackson wanted. He felt like he should offer some sort of explanation as to what had happened.

He opened his mouth to say something but before he could Danny hopped off the other bed, dropping his book on the nightstand between the beds. Jackson watched as his friend pulled some pajama pants out of the dresser and headed into the bathroom. He glanced over at the book Danny had been reading. It was called 'The Marvelous Land of Oz'.

There was a picture of a man with a pumpkin head shaking hands with the Tinman from the Wizard of Oz. Jackson had no idea if it was the original book the movie was based on or if it was something else, like a sequel. He wondered if the Scarecrow who wanted a brain originally had a pumpkin head.

He glanced towards the bathroom door when Danny came out. He thought the goalie had gone into the bathroom to shower or whatever but he just came right back out after changing. Jackson only blinked when he realized Danny had caught him watching him.

"What's the matter?" Danny asked.

"Nothing," Jackson said, turning to look back at the book before hopping off his bed. He still needed to brush his teeth. "I just thought you were getting in the shower or something."

Jackson couldn't tell for sure but he thought Danny might have been blushing, the guy's darker skin tone made it difficult to guess. Danny cleared his throat and Jackson realized he'd been staring. He coughed and turned to look at the book to hide the flushing of his own pale skin. Silence stretched out, both boys shuffled nervously.

"Why does the Scarecrow have a pumpkin head in this book?" Jackson asked.

"It's not the Scarecrow, his name is Jack Pumpkinhead. He's a character that was introduced in that book." Danny explained.

Jackson turned to head to the dresser just as Danny walked forward to jump onto his bed, the two collided. Danny stumbled already having shifted his center of balance, his legs caught Jackson's and he went tumbling down on top of the goalie. Danny grunted as Jackson landed on him, breath rushing out of his lungs. Jackson couldn't help but laugh.

"I see why you get to be the goalie; clearly they don't want you running around with all that grace unleashed." Jackson teased.

"Get off," Danny gasped from under Jackson's weight, "just because you're used to tackling guys on the lacrosse field doesn't mean you need to practice in our room."

The blonde laughed and rolled off Danny, turning to look into the goalie's dark eyes. Jackson was on his back; Danny was still on his stomach. Dark eyes regarded him curiously. Jackson turned his head away.

"Is that the same Tinman?" Jackson asked.

"Yeah, you find out who he is, what his name was when he was a person and how he ended up as the Tinman."

Jackson reflected on that for a few moments before asking, "Hey Danny? You want to tuck me in and tell me the story before I go to bed?"

Danny punched him in the arm, "Go brush your teeth first, I don't want to smell the burrito you had for dinner on your breath if you ask me for a goodnight kiss."

Jackson shot off the bed faster than he had intended to, felt heat rising in his face and didn't want Danny to see it. He hopped over Danny's legs to get to the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and turned the sink on.

He was shocked out how red his cheeks and neck were in the mirror. He and Danny had joked like that a thousand times both before and after Danny had come out to him. It had never caused him to consider what Danny's lips tasted like. The whole experience on the plane was throwing him off balance. He remembered Danny's whispered words, remembered how they had just stared at each other once they had leveled off, and remembered how long they had held hands.

Jackson wondered if Danny liked him, like… liked him liked him. He brushed his teeth quickly, pulled his shirt off and unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans. Danny was used to seeing naked and mostly naked guys, hell he'd seen everything Jackson had to offer on a regular basis for the past couple of years and had never shown any reaction. He wondered if it was different now for Danny too.

"You ok in there man?" Danny called out.

He opened the door and stepped out; Danny was reading his book again and not looking up at all. Jackson tossed his shirt on top of his suitcase, stretched his arms up over his head. "You about ready to read me that story?" he asked as he arched his back with his stretch, he felt his jeans dip on his hips and tug lightly on the waistband of the boxers he was wearing.

Jackson watched as the goalie looked up from the book, eyes quickly rising and not lingering on Jackson's body. Danny shifted on the bed sitting up more fully and curling his legs underneath him to sit with them crossed.

"You're wearing jeans to bed?" Danny asked.

Jackson pushed his jeans down his hips and stepped out of them, tossing the covers on the bed to the side and dropping onto his back. He stretched out, rested his hands behind his head and crossed his ankles.

"Nope, I forgot to bring any pajamas or sweat pants." Jackson said, he felt bad for the lie but he wanted to see how Danny would react. He glanced over at the goalie but couldn't tell if he had been checking him out or not.

Danny got up and flipped the lights in the room off. Jackson eyes hadn't adjusted yet but he heard Danny's bed squeak as his friend got situated. "You really want me to tell you about this book?" he asked.

"Yeah, tell me how the Tinman became the Tinman." Jackson replied.

"Ok…" He heard Danny take a deep breath. He listened to his friend's voice fill up the darkness in the room. "His name was Nick Chopper. He was a woodsman. The Wicked Witch of the East enchanted his axe so that he could never be with the woman he loved. Every time the axe chopped off one of his limbs, he replaced it with one of tin. There was a tinsmith, Ku-Klip who helped him but he wasn't able to replace Nick's heart."

Jackson spoke into the pause, "I thought the Cowardly Lion was the one who wanted the heart."

"No, the Lion only wanted courage, unlike the Scarecrow and the Tinman, he had all his parts, just didn't know how to be brave. He didn't know that he was already the bravest amongst the companions."

Danny's voice was soft. Jackson liked listening to it, wished he was brave enough to tell his friend that. He waited for Danny to continue.

"So what happened to Nick?" Jackson asked when Danny didn't say anything else for a few moments.

"With no heart, he wasn't able to be with the person he loved. He was sad and alone, he wandered through the forest and eventually rusted up, unable to move until Dorothy saved him with the oil."

Danny's voice was barely a whisper. Jackson pulled his blankets over him, turned his body away and curled into the pillow. What a sad thing. To love someone and not be able to be with them, to wander around until you couldn't walk anymore, just trying to find a way to be with the person that you loved. He didn't want to hear any more of the story. He made a weak attempt at a fake yawn to try to hint to Danny that he wanted to go to sleep.

"Night Jackson," Danny said.

"Night Danny…" Jackson mumbled.

Jackson wanted to be courageous but he was too much like the cowardly lion, unable to face his fears. He needed Danny to hold his hand to be brave. He wondered who Danny identified with in the story. Scott was definitely the Scarecrow without a brain and Stiles was probably one of those little people or the flying monkeys. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep but it took him a long time, every time Danny shifted in his bed, every time Jackson heard the springs squeak lightly it made Jackson think of the Tinman, rusting and alone in the forest.


	3. Don't Look Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson comes face to face with his fear. Danny asks him a difficult question.

  


* * *

  


Six metal walls, a few cables, an endless shaft for the metal box to fall down; walking into the elevator felt like walking into his coffin. Jackson took small steps into the thing, glad that he'd managed to hold back until everyone else had made it up to the top, everyone but Danny.

Jackson turned pleading eyes towards Danny, silently asking to not be taken up to the top floor. He was too proud to say that he blatantly refused to go up, too proud to tell his best friend no. If he didn't go up then neither would Danny, wanting to make sure that he was ok.

"Jackson, you'll be fine. Do you think I'd walk onto a death trap willingly?" Danny asked.

Jackson shook his head; there weren't words to describe the mad terror pulling at his insides turning his blood to ice. The doors closed. He moved to the back of the elevator and pressed his back into the corner. He clutched at the metal railing as the elevator jolted. It was going up, his panic rising along with it.

Jackson stared at the metal wall across from him. Pale blue eyes watched as Jackson trembled in the corner. The specter's skin was metallic and haunting in the soft white light cast from the bulbs overhead. It was hunched in on itself, its form twisted as if to hide its true size. The thing's hands were claws gripping at the metal rail, each shake and rattle of the cables above caused it's breathing to become more labored. It was the eyes he couldn't break away from; a mad echo of the fear in his gut was evident on the thing's face.

When a tan hand gently rested itself on top of one of the ghostly figure's Jackson realized that the thing he was looking at was his reflection in the metal. He tore his eyes away from the mocking image to look at the hand that was on top of his own. It felt warm on his chilled skin, a dark contrast against his light skin. He felt panic rising in his chest as he looked at their hands. Danny's thumb rubbed slowly against his wrist. He had forgotten that Danny was in the metal coffin with him.

The tan hand continued to try and comfort, it tried to make him feel better and push back whatever it was that was bothering him. Jackson raised his gaze slowly to his best friend's face. It dawned on him that not telling Danny about his fear was probably a bad idea but he had never had a reason to tell him before. Yesterday, in their hotel room, or even on the plane would have been the time to tell. He knew it would have spoiled the others trip and he was too ashamed of his fear.

A shuttering intake of air pushed the terror that was slowly building inside of him down. It was waiting, coiled just under the surface like a snake waiting to strike, to rush back into his system and send him into a full blown panic. Jackson took another deep breath, gained the strength to uncurl his hunched body. He could do it, with Danny close by he could. His best friend was never afraid to be himself. He had been a little shy after revealing that he was gay, but it didn't take long for the charisma to make its way back to the surface. He was never afraid to tell Jackson exactly what was on his mind even when it contradicted what Jackson said or wanted. He was strong on the team and liked because of his personality, not because he was the star player. Maybe, just maybe, he could draw on Danny's strength; keep him close, so that he could make it through this nightmare of a trip.

Cold air rushed against his hand, it drew Jackson from his thoughts. Panic swirled in his gut as he became aware of his surroundings again. Without thinking he reached out and grabbed Danny's hand. The contact seemed to startle his friend. He felt Danny stiffen when he locked their fingers together. He needed the contact to keep himself grounded.

All too soon the elevator came to a jolting stop. Danny's fingers relaxed but Jackson wasn't ready to let him go. Their palms were still connected, Jackson's fingers gripping the back of Danny's hand. Jackson frantically glanced to the door then back to his friend's face, the threat of everyone seeing him vulnerable and holding Danny's hand warred with his fear of the tower. The elevator dinged and the doors were signaled to open. There was one last squeeze from Danny's hand and then there was nothing for him to hold onto anymore. He felt the cold rush back in to replace the heat they had created together. In that moment, when Danny's hand left his, he realized that he didn't care what the others thought; just that he didn't want to be lost in this crowd with no one there to help him.

The doors slid open, the noise from the rest of his class blasted in. The whole of his class was packed into a single floor that was miles above the ground. The only means of escape was the elevator that he was standing in. Danny moved to exit the small metal box, Jackson stepped in behind him. He didn't want to lose Danny in the forest of human bodies.

He stayed close to his friend; he kept his mouth shut and his eyes away from the light that was shining in from all around. He wasn't sure if it was from windows or a lighting system, but he wasn't going to chance a look to see. The only thing that he wanted to see was the multitude of shoes that painted rainbows across the gray carpeted floor.

With each step he made he took a deep breath willing the panic to stay under his skin, to stay put and not rear its head and strike. He could hear Danny talking to someone, laughing and joking around, making a small circuit of the interior of the floor. Jackson focused on Danny's voice and took deep breaths to sooth his nerves. When Danny paused in his movements Jackson closed his eyes for a moment, trying to keep his cool.

A hard body slammed into his back, sent him sprawling onto his stomach. He opened his eyes on reflex to try and catch his fall. The things he saw froze his lungs. His muscles seized, the panic that had been on the edge of his control broke free and turned to mindless terror. The little air in his lungs rushed out as his chest constricted. He tried but he couldn't close his eyes. The length of the building stretched out beneath his hands, the grey of the cement shining in the sun light that hit it. Far below, down on the sidewalk, little figures moved like ants in the dirt. They scurried about, the little dots of color. He felt the pit of his stomach drop as his brain made the connection that the things scurrying about were supposed to be people. People that were so far away they looked like insects.

Time froze; he was sprawled out on the clear flooring. It allowed the observers on the floor to see how far up they really were, it had been crafted from Jackson's nightmares. There were noises that didn't mean anything to him, couldn't mean anything in the face of the icy terror enveloping his mind. The voices, it didn't matter what they were saying. They were so far away, like the little things that were supposed to be people. He'd never make it back to the voices; he'd never make it back to the ground. He was going to die so far up, all alone suffocating under his own insane fear.

His perception shifted, he must have been falling, he wanted to flail and cry for help but he was paralyzed. Birds that should have been the size of crows were no bigger than the size of a pin head. Cars looked like toys and buildings looked like pieces of a Lego city. He'd been down there. He knew what size the buildings were supposed to be. It only made his terror worse.

Small things started to register, he wasn't falling. Someone was leading him, pushing him along with a hand in the middle of his back. A voice picked at the edge of his conscious. The tone sounded angry and worried but he couldn't understand the words.

A sharp slap whipped his head to the side. Air rushed into his lungs as he snapped out of his shock. The need for air took over his mind; he clutched his chest, stumbled away from his rescuer. His whole body was shaking. He was shaking and he didn't know if it was because of how raggedly he was breathing or if it was from the residual fear still playing on his nerves.

He felt a hand on his back again and without thinking turned to latch onto the figure. He buried his face in the person's chest. There were tears in his eyes but in the moment he was rushing forward to cling against the warm body that had saved him he caught a quick glimpse of the person's face. Danny had him, arms circled around his back and waist. Warm arms clutched him, a promise of safety in a world that had been chaos only moments before. Danny's breathing rocked him gently, his friend was talking but he still couldn't understand the words. His heart felt like it was going to burst and he wasn't sure if it was from fear or if it was relief.

Slowly, so slowly, Jackson calmed down. Wrapped up in warm arms and a soothing voice the fear abated slightly. It was there, in the front of his mind, but he could hear and understand again. He could feel something other than the panic that had gripped him so hard it had forced all the air from his body and froze him in place.

Danny was making soothing wordless noises, a gentle humming sound that sliced away at the net of fear that was draped over his mind. He clutched tighter to the body that was wrapped around him, he tried to burrow further into Danny's chest. The vibration and the sound seemed to drown out everything else and it was the only thing he could focus on. The heat that radiated from Danny's body helped, he didn't want to leave those strong arms that had him trapped against a firm chest. A hand moved to card through the back of his hair, words weaved through the humming.

"Why didn't you tell me you were afraid of heights?" Danny said. Hurt, worry, anger, they were all laced in that one question and Jackson didn't know how to answer.


	4. Friendship is More than Laughs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson tries to hide. Danny won't let him.

* * *

Danny thought the annoyance that he had felt for Stiles in the airport on the way to Canada had been the most that he had ever disliked the kid. He'd been wrong; those feelings had been thoroughly trumped. If it weren't for the fact that Jackson needed him he'd be reaming the skinny teen a new one. He couldn't believe that Stiles and Scott had been so careless. Sure they were on a trip, a thousand feet in the air looking down on the world, but that didn't mean that they could go around knocking people over that looked like they were on the verge of a panic attack. He wasn't sure if it had been on purpose or not, he'd find out though, just as soon as he made sure Jackson was alright.

He wasn't blind to Jackson's distress. The whole time they had been on the ground level he had seen Jackson glancing towards the exits, drifting towards the doors. Whenever someone tried to engage him in a conversation he was distracted and fidgety. There was no way to be sure if it was on a conscious level but Jackson hadn't gone anywhere near the elevator that transported people to the top floors. Danny had never seen his friend act like that before.

All he could do was watch as Jackson pulled away. He regretted having asked the question. Danny thought he knew everything there was to know about Jackson but right before his eyes Jackson was pulling a mask over what he was feeling. It stung more than he would have thought possible.

"I-I'm not…" Jackson turned away, tried to hide himself. "I'm not afraid of anything."

Danny cast his eyes to the wall behind Jackson. He knew that on the other side was an open expanse of floor. The outer walls of the building were half wall, half window. At every curve and bend in the room there was a spot to look out and see Toronto on the horizon. On the other side of the room was a perfect view of Lake Ontario. It stretched out as far as the eye could see, went far beyond that to where the human eye couldn't reach. He had caught small glimpses of both while weaving around the barrier walls and circling the inner parts of the floor. Jackson hadn't looked once; he'd kept his eyes glued to the floor.

Now they were as close to the center of the structure as they could get in a small janitorial alcove. Four walls blocked everything from sight. The short hallway that led back to the space had a slight bend in it, cutting off the open sky.

Danny shook his head. Jackson was lying to him. There was no way that Jackson could have thought he was doing anything else and yet the words slipped right out of his mouth like it was a natural reaction. It burned; he thought they'd moved beyond that a long time ago.

"I'm not stupid," he said. "I saw you. You were terrified. There's nothing wrong with that." The complete and utter horror that had twisted Jackson's features when he'd fallen onto the clear floor would forever be burned into his brain. Mindless animalistic panic, Danny couldn't even imagine what it had felt like to Jackson.

He wanted to reach out, wanted to pull Jackson back into another embrace but it didn't seem to be what Jackson wanted. Danny wasn't going to overstep. Jackson always had to do things in his own way. Danny never had any problems telling him when his way was stupid though.

Jackson turned back to look at him, blue eyes full of emotion that Danny didn't know how to name. Jackson was so sure he needed to never let anyone see any weakness. Danny needed to know why.

"There's nothing wrong with that?" Jackson laughed but it was ugly, a noise Danny hadn't heard him make before. "You wouldn't understand what's wrong with it."

Danny took a step back, stunned by the force behind Jackson's words. He wanted to understand, wanted Jackson to tell him so he could understand. That thing in Jackson's heart, the fear, it seemed to be a symptom of something bigger, something darker.

"I can't understand if you don't talk to me," Danny said. "There's nothing about you that would ever push me away."

Jackson's muscles seized up. Color drained from his skin. Danny saw it in that moment. Saw the heart of what it was inside of Jackson. The fear of heights, the fear of falling, none of it was as deeply rooted as the fear that one day people would realize Jackson wasn't good enough, that there was something wrong with him and move on. His friend's mouth opened and closed but nothing came out at first.

Slowly words came out, half formed whispers that Danny had to step closer to hear. "I have to be this person," Jackson said. His eyes closed, Danny watched as layer upon layer of self-control coiled itself back around his friend. "I have to be this specific person, this perfect person. If I'm not that person then I'm not useful anymore. People will find someone better."

Danny took a step forward; he wanted to pull Jackson into a hug. Ice blue eyes opened, froze him in his tracks. Jackson wasn't that person, didn't need to be that person no matter what he thought. He didn't need to be that person to Danny.

"That's bullshit," Danny said. He broke free of Jackson's eyes, kept moving until Jackson's back was up against a wall. Danny wasn't going to let Jackson run away. He wasn't going to let him have his way without hearing what he had to say first. "No one who cares about you is going to just throw you away if you make a mistake. Being human, it's about making mistakes, having friends is about trusting people to help you when you do."

Jackson looked like he was about to say something, Danny wasn't ready to let him talk yet. Jackson was going to have to finish listening to him first. To think that being afraid of something was going to be enough to cost him a friendship cast what they had in a superficial light.

"You can't get rid of me like that," Danny said. "You can't just categorize me as one of those people. Someone who's going to see something they don't like in you one day and throw you away."

"I…" Jackson faltered. Whatever he was thinking he didn't seem to be able to get out of his mind, didn't know how to give voice to it. Danny closed the small space that separated them.

"I don't care that you're afraid of heights, Jackson. I care that you didn't trust me. You're not alone. No matter how many times you tell yourself that you're wrong." Danny didn't know why Jackson couldn't meet his gaze. He didn't know what else to say. He reached out and pulled Jackson into another hug. "You don't have to be that person, that person you think you need to be when you're with me. You can just be Jackson. That's enough for me."

Jackson didn't hug him back. He was like a statue in Danny's arms. It hurt, hurt more than every time he saw Jackson with Lydia or whatever girl he happened to be with. Danny had learned a long time ago that he'd never have Jackson the way he wanted to, but he had thought that he'd at least have Jackson as a friend.

"You wouldn't understand," Jackson whispered. "You wouldn't understand what it's like to live your whole life not being good enough, not being the thing that other people want you to be."

Pain knifed through Danny's heart. He did know what that was like. He knew but he could never tell Jackson how he knew, couldn't tell his friend that he had been in love with him from the moment he'd come out and Jackson hadn't hated him for it. On some level he knew that he loved Jackson, in the smallest parts of his mind, parts that he sometimes wished weren't there.

"I do know," Danny said. His voice cracked. He buried his face in Jackson's shoulder. He ran his fingers through the back of his friend's hair. Some part of him knew that if he said what he wanted to say that everything between them would change. There wouldn't be any going back.

Jackson's arms wrapped around him, hugged him close. "Anybody who doesn't think you're good enough is an idiot," Jackson said. "If I had the chance…" Jackson's voice cut off abruptly. His breathing stopped.

Danny blinked against Jackson's shoulder. What did Jackson mean? If Jackson had the chance he'd do what?

"What?" Danny asked. He held his breath.

"Take me back to the hotel room, I can't do this up here. I can't think. Please, Danny, take me back down." Jackson's voice was on the edge of begging. Danny wanted to make Jackson feel safe. He curled his arm around Jackson's shoulder and led him back to the elevator.


	5. At the Heart of It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson struggles with inner demons. Danny makes a confession. Everything changes.

* * *

Jackson picked at the comforter he was sitting on. Danny watched him, waited for an explanation. It wasn't an easy thing to tell your best friend the secrets you kept hidden from everyone else. The room was hot, sweat trickled down the back of his neck. He watched Danny's finger's drum on the bed. Just a word, all he needed was to say one thing. Once he started he knew he wouldn't be able to stop.

"You want to go down to the pool party?" Danny was giving up, was done waiting for him. "We can just go relax for a bit. If you want to talk later we can. If not that's cool too."

Jackson reached out, caught Danny's wrist before he could stand up. "I don't want to go to the pool party. I want to stay here, with you." Since leaving the tower Jackson hadn't looked Danny in the face, couldn't look into the brown eyes he knew were watching him. He was afraid of what Danny would be able to see.

The trip back to the hotel room had been quick. The shortest leg of the journey had felt like the longest. Reluctantly having entered the elevator to return to Earth, Jackson had kept his fingers entangled in Danny's. He didn't want to lose the comfort that came from the contact, but didn't want to be any closer to the goalie. He didn't want to seem as scared as he felt. The fast paced descent felt like it took forever, more than the fifty eight seconds it had taken from top to bottom. Jackson hadn't realized he'd shut his eyes until the elevator dinged. He opened his eyes at the signal that they'd returned to the ground level.

"We can do whatever you want," Danny said. His friend's voice pulled Jackson from his memories. "We can watch something." Danny didn't move to get off the bed though. He waited.

They'd only turned on the light near the door. In the shadows near the beds everything seemed a little easier. Jackson took a shallow breath. He let go of Danny's wrist. He'd always been able to talk to Danny, he hated that things felt different. He dropped onto his back, covered his face with his forearm.

"I was afraid," Jackson said. Saying the words hurt almost as much as not saying everything else he wanted to. "I was afraid that you'd think I was an idiot."

Danny punched Jackson in the leg. "That never stopped you in the past." He laughed nervously.

Jackson smiled. That was true; Danny had watched him do some monumentally stupid shit through the course of their friendship. This was something different though. He wondered if the nervousness he felt was similar to what Danny experienced before coming out to him. The circumstances were different, but what Jackson was going to talk about was no less serious.

"There's this part of me that thinks that all it will take is just one mistake and I'll lose everything." Jackson bit his lower lip, tried to find the words to make it clear. "I have to be better than everyone else."

"Why?" Danny's question was curious, not judgmental. Danny bumped his foot into Jackson's thigh, tried to reassure him that he was there, that he was listening.

"Because I'm the one who could be sent back. Defective, not good enough, those aren't things that most kids have to worry about."

The bed dipped, Danny settled on his side next to him. He reached out, pulled Jackson's arm away from his face. "That's the kind of thing that every kid worries about."

Jackson turned his head, looked into Danny's brown eyes finally. "Not everyone stands the chance of being sent back to a shelter."

"Your family wouldn't do that to you," Danny said. He didn't look away, kept their gazes locked. "They love you. You know that right?"

Jackson turned his head away. On some level he knew. There was a splinter of doubt though, especially when he thought of the kind of person he was. No one would describe him as anything less than an asshole, well aside from Danny maybe.

People grew up being told the love of a family was unconditional, that their parents would love them no matter what they did. Blood was strong enough to keep families together, even when one member made a mistake. Jackson didn't have a blood tie to anyone, he couldn't make any mistakes.

"Yeah…" Jackson sighed. There was a part of him that knew, but the part of him that was a kid scared of being abandoned wasn't always convinced. Danny wouldn't be able to understand, everyone liked Danny. Not very many people liked Jackson. They liked what Jackson could do for them. If they were his friend they'd be more popular, if they were dating him they'd climb the social ladder.

Danny reached out, grabbed his chin, and forced him to meet his gaze again. "Do you, Jackson? Do you really know?" Danny could always tell when he was lying. Most of the time he'd let Jackson get away with it. This time Danny wasn't letting it go.

Jackson closed his eyes. He remembered spending so many nights awake in bed asking himself that question over and over clutching a report card with a C- on it. He'd been ten years old, terrified that it wasn't good enough. He didn't want to show his foster parents, he didn't want to see the disappointment. He thought he should have tried harder, listened more carefully.

"I know…" He did, but he didn't. There was no way to make it clear to Danny.

Danny let go of Jackson's chin, reached down to take hold of his hand. He pulled the blonde up, wrapped him in a tight hug. Jackson wanted to roll his eyes, wanted to pull away. It was an instinctive natural reaction, to not show any weakness or pain. He didn't pull away, he clutched Danny tighter. Jackson felt like there was something cracking in him. He didn't know if it was good or bad.

"Jackson, they love you," Danny said. He tightened his arms around Jackson's body. "They're not going to send you away. Not because you make mistakes sometimes, not because you're afraid of something. There's more there than you're giving them credit for."

It was just a piece of paper. Something his foster parents had signed. That's all that stood between him and being abandoned. His fear of heights wasn't the disease he had, it was just a symptom. It was another thing he had to hide from everyone so that they wouldn't see how broken he was on the inside. Jackson knew who he was, he was a bully. He was an asshole. A lot of the time he felt like he was entitled to anything he wanted, the truth was it was an act. He wanted so many things because he never knew when he was going to lose one of them.

"They don't have to love me. They just signed a contract, like a business transaction. I'm an investment they made. I have to make sure they get the returns they're looking for," Jackson whispered. He buried his face in Danny's shoulder. Sometimes Danny felt like one of the few people who took Jackson at face value, liked the good and the bad together. Danny liked him with no exchange of currency necessary; Jackson didn't always know what to think about it. He was just grateful for it.

Danny squeezed him tighter. "It's more than that. Who cares if they signed a piece of paper to get you? They made that choice. People who get married sign a piece of paper, they make a choice. You're not a transaction. You're their son."

Not a transaction? Jackson wondered if that were true. He didn't think about it most of the time, not consciously. There was a need deep inside him to be the best. There were different motivations. At the heart it wasn't that Jackson needed to be perfect, he just needed to make sure that no one ever thought of him as not being good enough. From the outside it looked the same. On the inside, in Jackson's heart, the two things were miles apart.

"I'm sorry," Jackson said. "I'm sorry that I wasn't upfront with you about everything."

"I'm sorry too." Danny let him go, pulled back. "I'm sorry for the way I responded. I just wanted you to know, that you don't have to be anyone specific for me. You can just be you, I accept that."

There was more, Jackson could sense it just below the surface. Danny seemed afraid to speak it though. His friend looked away. Jackson knew there was more.

"Why?" Jackson asked. He bumped his knee against Danny's shin.

Danny took a deep breath. "Because I love you. I've been in love with you for a long time. Not because I have to, not because you're perfect. I'm in love with you because you're you. You do it with no apologies; you do what you want when you want. You've never been afraid to be who you are. I admire that. I admire how hard you work to be the best."

Jackson's mouth fell open. He wasn't sure what to say to that. He reached out, turned Danny's face back towards him. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"I was scared I'd lose you. It was better to have you as a friend than to not have you at all." Danny closed his eyes. "At least as your friend I could be there for you when you needed me. You just never really seemed to need me. You were strong enough to do everything on your own."

Somewhere along the way Danny had gotten behind the curtain. He saw things about Jackson that no one else ever had. Why hadn't Jackson seen this? Why hadn't he done something about it?

"You're the strongest person I know," Jackson said. "There are a million less fucked up guys out there who would be the perfect boyfriend for you."

Jackson was going to say more, but Danny stood up, moved a few steps away from him.

"Yeah," Danny said. "There's that perfect someone out there for everyone right? I'm sure that there's a girl out there that'll be everything you want too."

Jackson looked at the floor. He thought about what he wanted. Someone who knew the kind of person he was, cared about him regardless of that. He wanted someone who wasn't afraid to tell him when he was being a dick. He wanted someone like Danny. He shook his head. He wanted Danny. He wasn't sure if he was gay, he wasn't ready to make a decision like that. What he was ready to do was tell Danny how he felt. He stood up, pulled Danny around to face him.

"You're the person who's got everything that I want," Jackson said.

Danny rolled his eyes, pushed Jackson away. "Yeah everything except breasts."

Jackson reached out, pulled Danny closer by his shirt. Danny had nice pecs, maybe breasts were overrated. He wasn't sure; he knew that he wanted to try. He reached out, wrapped his hand around Danny's neck.

"I don't know about that, you've got a nice chest." Jackson winked, smiled as Danny let out a nervous laugh. "This trip, it's made me realize that you're exactly the type of person I need."

Danny's eyes locked onto him, assessed him. "I don't want to be anyone's warm body. Not even yours, Jackson."

Jackson shook his head. "It's not about that. It's never been about that. Not between you and me." He pulled Danny in, closed his eyes. They were inches apart. He didn't want to push any further. Danny needed to be the one to make the choice. Jackson had gone as far as he could.

A warm hand curled around the back of his neck, brushed up into the back of his hair. Jackson let out a pleased sigh. Danny had done it a million times, but it had never felt like this. Danny's nails scratched lightly at the back of his head.

"Doing this will change everything," Danny said.

He was so close Jackson could feel Danny's breath against his lips. Change didn't have to be scary; it didn't have to be bad. Change could be exactly what they needed.

"That's okay," Jackson said. He wet his lips with his tongue, kept his eyes closed. "Everything's already changed. Now we just need to do something about it."

Jackson felt the space between them closing. Danny's hand tightened in the back of his hair, the other gripped his hip. Strong hands, he'd never realized how large they were. Danny had touched him thousands of times over the years; it had never been like this.

"Fine," Danny whispered. "Let's do something about it."

Danny's lips brushed up against Jackson's. It was soft, tentative. It was sweet, Jackson hadn't known what to expect, but it was good. He reached out, got his hands on Danny's hips, pulled their bodies together. Jackson had always wanted someone to knock down all the walls he'd put up. He'd just never expected it would be Danny.


End file.
